Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
True but thats because hes a fetus.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Pants are for mortals
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
