Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
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the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
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