Do you still have your period?
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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