And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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