I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
