why im i the only drunk person in the library?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Randomize
