Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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