I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
