I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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