Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
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