dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
