It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
