He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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