she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
My liver just had a heart attack.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
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