I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
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