I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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