the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Randomize
