Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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