I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
