as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
