Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
