there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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