So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
