I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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