i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
