Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
found the other keg... it's in the tree
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
