If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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