the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
