just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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