His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
