Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
