i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
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