Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
My ass is underappreciated
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
