this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
