I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
