Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
