Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
