Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
