some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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