Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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