you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Randomize
