nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
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Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
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In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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