why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
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