i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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