just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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