I accidentally burped into my bong.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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