Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
