she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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