Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
