There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
He felt like a one man threesome
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
