What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
