Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Randomize
