You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
