I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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