I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
