if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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