is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
