I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Randomize
