I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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