You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
