You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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