I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
