Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
