the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
