i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
