Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
