dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
