Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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