Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize
