Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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