I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
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Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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