On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Randomize
