This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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