I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
My ass is underappreciated
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
