sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
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I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
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And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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