It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize
