There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
