a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
that's an acceptable place to lick
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
