Porn is love you can see.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
