You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
