I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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