Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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