so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
