it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
