question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
