Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
